When Your Anger Starts Talking Louder Than The Creator.

Author's Opening Note

Unknown fact before we even start

New Orleans is one of the few cities in the world where anger and joy learned how to live in the same house and argue in the kitchen without breaking the table. We were raised on second lines and funerals that sound like celebrations. We cry loud and laugh louder. We hug hard and we curse under our breath while doing it. Down here we do not deny emotion. We season it. And sometimes we oversalt it.

I did not write this because I mastered my anger. I wrote this because I have watched it pick me up by the collar before and drag me into rooms I swore I would never enter again. I wrote this because I know what it feels like to replay a moment while washing dishes or sitting at a red light on Claiborne. I wrote this because bitterness does not always announce itself as bitterness. Sometimes it sounds like logic. Sometimes it sounds like boundaries. Sometimes it sounds like I am just being real.

I am not coming to you polished. I am coming to you honest.

With my hands still smelling like old memories and my chest still tight in certain sentences. There were moments writing this where I had to stop and breathe and look out the window like my grandmother used to do when she was holding back words she did not want to regret. She used to say pause baby because once it leaves your mouth it will never belong to you again.

This reflection carries some humor because that is how we survive where I am from. If we did not laugh a little we would drown. But do not mistake the smile for softness. There is truth in here that cuts clean and heals slow. There is sarcasm because sometimes the truth needs a side eye before it can be swallowed. And there is tenderness because anger is usually guarding a wound that still wants to be loved.

If you are reading this and you feel called out a little that is not an accident. If you feel seen and exposed at the same time welcome. That is where transformation waits. This is not about shame. This is about freedom. This is about asking yourself a question nobody wants to sit with too long.

What does your anger actually prove.

Now let us talk.

When Your Anger Starts Talking Louder Than The Creator. Part One of a Two Part Reflection on Letting Go Before It Lets You Go.

Written by Kāteb Shunnar

Let me start by saying this plainly and without dressing it up for church or company

anger by itself does not make you strong

it makes you loud

Bitterness does not make you deep

it makes you heavy

And carrying either one for too long will bend your spirit like an old shotgun house leaning after too many storms.

I know anger feels powerful. It makes your chest puff out. Makes your voice get that edge like you finally found your spine. But if we are being honest and we should be because the soul knows when you are lying to it anger usually shows up when something already took something from you. Your peace. Your voice. Your sense of fairness. Your innocence. Your feeling of being safe.

Anger is a messenger. Not a leader.

The problem is too many of us let the messenger grab the steering wheel and now we wonder why our life feels like it is always swerving.

In New Orleans we say you cutting up when somebody lets their emotions run wild. And that cutting up might feel justified in the moment but it always leaves a mess on the floor. Broken words. Broken trust. Broken connections. And later on you are the one sweeping.

Chronic anger does not prove you are passionate. It proves something crossed a line and never got addressed properly. Bitterness does not prove you remember well. It proves you are still tied to the past with emotional rope and every time you move forward it tightens around your chest.

There is nothing holy about staying mad.

Spiritually anger held too long becomes a fog. You still pray but you cannot hear. You still read but nothing lands. You still show up but you are distant. Grace feels offensive when you are bitter. Mercy feels unfair. And forgiveness sounds like betrayal.

I have been there. Sitting in my own righteousness like it was a throne. Telling myself I had every right to feel how I felt. And maybe I did. But having the right to feel something does not mean you have the wisdom to live inside it.

My grandmother used to say baby you can be upset and still be decent. You can be hurt and still be holy. Do not let your anger make a fool out of you. Because the moment you abandon your character to prove a point you already lost.

Anger narrows your vision. That is not poetry. That is biology and spirit agreeing on something. When you are heated your world gets small. You stop seeing options. You stop hearing tone. You stop recognizing consequences. Everything becomes about winning the moment and you forget the cost of tomorrow.

That is how good people say cruel things. That is how healed people reopen old wounds. That is how love gets spoken to like an enemy.

Words spoken in anger do not disappear. They take up residence. They replay in quiet rooms. They sit with people when they are alone and tired and already doubting themselves. Physical bruises fade. Verbal ones echo.

And let us talk about that I do not care attitude. That is not strength. That is exhaustion wearing a mask. That is a soul saying I am tired of hoping and being disappointed so I will pretend nothing matters. But numbness is not peace. It is depression in a nicer outfit.

When you stop caring you stop growing. You stop listening. You stop trying. And slowly you start disappearing from your own life.

Anger unchecked turns into bitterness. Bitterness turns into identity. And identity built on pain will always defend the pain even when healing knocks.

Spiritually that is bondage. Because the person or moment that hurt you still gets to decide how you show up in the world. Still gets a vote in your mood. Still has access to your reactions. Still ..LIVES rent free.

And that is too high a price to pay for something that already happened.

There is an old New Orleans folklore a elder used to tell that never made it into books. She said there was a man who carried a burning coal in his pocket because he wanted to throw it at someone who wronged him. Years passed and the coal never left his pocket. It burned through his pants. Scorched his leg. Left scars he had to live with. When someone asked why he never threw it he said I needed them to feel it. But the truth was the coal never touched anyone else. It only knew him.

Your anger is that coal.

You do not have to deny it. You just have to stop clutching it.

And maybe that starts with asking yourself this

what has my anger actually built

who has it protected

and what has it quietly destroyed while I called it justified

---

When Your Anger Starts Talking Louder Than The Creator. Part 2.

Somewhere along the way we got confused and started calling emotional chaos authenticity. We started believing that if we say it loud enough and sharp enough it must be real. Down here we say just because you hollering do not mean you right. Sometimes it just mean you hurt and everybody can hear it now.

Anger loves an audience. Bitterness loves agreement. Give either one a crowd and they will preach like they know scripture. But wisdom is quieter. Wisdom usually sounds like pause. Like breathe. Like not today.

I had to learn that being slow to anger was not weakness. It was mastery. Anybody can explode. Anybody can go off. Anybody can clap back with a sharp tongue and a memory list. But it takes discipline to feel that heat rise and say no you not driving today.

That is what ruling your spirit looks like. It is not loud. It is not flashy. It is not impressive on social media. But it will save your life.

See anger wants immediacy. It wants release right now. It does not care about your future relationships. It does not care about your health. It does not care about your calling. It only wants to feel justified in the moment. And bitterness is anger that got tired of yelling and decided to sit down and sulk forever.

That is why bitterness feels old. It smells like yesterday. It talks like somebody who already made up their mind about how every story ends. It drains the room. You can feel it when somebody walks in with it. Even if they smile their spirit got an attitude.

And let me be sarcastic for a second because somebody needs it said this way

holding on to bitterness is not a personality trait

it is not depth

it is not wisdom

it is not seasoning

it is just unhealed pain refusing to clock out

Some of us are loyal to our anger like it saved us. Like it kept us alive. And maybe at one point it did. Maybe it gave you the strength to leave. To survive. To endure. But what protected you then might poison you now. You do not wear the same shoes you wore as a child. Why are you still wearing emotional responses that no longer fit your growth.

New Orleans taught me something beautiful about fire. We cook with it. We dance around it. We light candles for prayer and remembrance. Fire is not evil. Fire is useful. But leave it unattended and it will burn your whole house down and the neighbors too.

Your bush can be on fire. You can be upset. You can be disappointed. You can be hurt. But you do not have to become reckless. You do not have to start cutting up. You do not have to abandon your values just to feel powerful for five minutes.

My grandmother was serious about that. She would look you dead in your eyes and say do not let nobody pull you out your character. Because once you step outside yourself to hurt somebody else you have already hurt you. She did not sugarcoat it. She said you look foolish. And worse than that you look controlled.

That stuck with me.

Because anger loves to convince you that you are in control when in reality it is the one holding the leash.

You think you choosing your words but really your pain is choosing them for you. You think you setting boundaries but really you building walls. You think you being honest but really you bleeding on people who did not cut you.

And then there is that tunnel vision. When anger hits everything else disappears. Logic takes a smoke break. Empathy goes missing. Consequences feel like a rumor. That is how good people make bad choices and swear it made sense at the time.

I can testify. I have reacted out of disappointment and later had to apologize to my own spirit. I have said things that landed heavier than I intended. I have watched relationships change temperature because I let a moment of heat rewrite the whole atmosphere.

Anger does not whisper. It rushes. It pushes. It dares you to act now and think later.

And hurtful words once released do not return with apologies attached. They linger. They echo. They replay. Especially when spoken by somebody who was trusted. That kind of damage does not show up on the outside but it rearranges things on the inside.

So when somebody speaks down to you understand this

condescension is insecurity in a cheap suit

it is not intelligence

it is not authority

it is fear trying to stand taller by shrinking somebody else

And when you feel yourself wanting to do the same thing pause. Because becoming what hurt you will never heal you.

Now let us talk about forgiveness because this is where folks get real quiet or real defensive. Forgiveness is not saying what happened was okay. Forgiveness is saying I refuse to let this keep poisoning my days. It is choosing freedom over revenge fantasies that never pay rent.

Forgiveness is spiritual eviction. You are telling the past you do not live here anymore.

And yes it is hard. Some days you forgive and feel lighter. Other days the memory knocks again and you have to forgive all over. That does not make you fake. That makes you human.

Praying for your enemies sounds wild until you realize it is not about them. It is about unclenching your chest. It is about breaking the emotional contract that says you get to control my peace because you hurt me once.

Replacing anger with peace does not happen by accident. You have to be intentional. Gratitude is a muscle. Compassion is a practice. Silence is a strategy. Listening before speaking is a shield.

And sometimes the holiest thing you can say is nothing.

That is finesse.

Being upset without being a fool is an art form. It is saying I acknowledge this hurt but I will not sacrifice my integrity on its altar. It is choosing to respond instead of react. To observe instead of explode. To stay anchored when the waves get disrespectful.

Because your connection with the Creator is not worth trading for a temporary release. Your character is too expensive to pawn for a petty moment. Your future deserves better than decisions made in emotional storms.

Anger will tell you to burn it all down. Wisdom will ask what are you trying to build.

And here is the truth that sits heavy but heals clean

anger does not prove you are strong

it proves you are still hurting

bitterness does not prove you are wise

it proves something inside you still needs tending

And that is not shame. That is invitation.

Invitation to heal. To soften without becoming weak. To stand firm without becoming cruel. To let the fire warm you instead of consume you.

Author Closing Words

If these words reached you in any way that felt honest or healing or familiar I ask you from the bottom of my spirit to please share this work by any positive means. Pass it to somebody who needs it. Read it aloud. Sit with it. Let it travel where I cannot.

And if you are able I ask you to please support the writer and the blog through donation. Writing like this costs something. Not just time but tears and reflection and vulnerability. Your support helps keep this work alive and reaching hearts that need it.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for holding space. Thank you for choosing growth over grievance.

With love and truth

Kāteb Shunnar

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