When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

By Kateb Nuri-Alim Shunnar

You’ve heard it a thousand times, right? “Keeping it real.” Feels like a badge of honor, like being blunt and honest is somehow a special power. And yeah, I used to be that person, thinking I was doing the world a service by dropping truth bombs left and right. But here’s the thing I’ve learned: sometimes, keeping it real goes terribly wrong.

My grandmother, Celestine, had this saying that stuck with me: “The truth told with bad intentions is worse than any lie.” At first, I didn’t get it. I mean, truth is truth, right? But as I got older, I realized she was onto something deep. Truth can be a weapon when you throw it out carelessly. When you say the right words but with the wrong heart, you’re not just sharing facts you’re causing harm. The truth, when it’s wrapped in bitterness or served with a side of ego, isn’t just uncomfortable; it can be downright destructive.

I’ve been that person, too. I’d throw my version of truth out there, convinced I was being helpful. But looking back, I see the silence that followed. That awkward pause where you realize you’ve just thrown a bomb into the room, and now everyone’s picking up the pieces. It wasn’t the truth that hurt it was the way I delivered it. Like trying to serve a meal that’s too spicy for anyone to enjoy, no matter how true the ingredients are.

My mom, Marva, used to tell me something I didn’t fully understand until later: “You don’t just tell the truth; you live it.” What she meant was that sometimes, the most truthful thing you can do is hold back. Not everything needs to be said right away and sometimes, silence is the most loving thing you can offer. We live in a world that glorifies being “real,” but the when and how matter just as much as the what.

I’ve had more than a few moments where I thought I was just being “real” by calling someone out, telling them what I thought they needed to hear. But what I’ve learned often the hard way is that speaking your mind isn’t always the best thing. Sometimes, you’ve got to check yourself. I remember one time with a friend. I thought I was dropping the truth bomb of the century, thinking, “This is gonna open his eyes.” Instead, it landed like a ton of bricks. His face dropped, and I realized right then that I wasn’t offering wisdom. I was just serving up my own frustration, and that’s not real.

Here’s the thing: we all know people who “keep it real” a little too much, don’t we? They pride themselves on being “honest,” but their version of honesty isn’t always about lifting others up. It’s more about showing off how “authentic” they are, like that’s a personality trait. But being “real” doesn’t mean tearing others down or offering your truth as if it’s the only version that matters.

I remember sitting at a family gathering once in New Orleans, eating gumbo because, let’s face it, that’s where all the best conversations happen. My uncle, God love him, was going off on some issue that wasn’t even relevant, just letting loose with his version of “truth.” And there it was: “keeping it real” with no thought to how it was affecting anyone else. It wasn’t that he was wrong, but his delivery? Off-key, like a jazz musician who forgot the notes. That’s when I realized: you can have the truth, but if you don’t serve it right, it’s just noise.

It’s so easy to think that telling the truth is always the right thing to do. But here’s the trick I’ve learned that sometimes, biting your tongue is the truest thing you can do. You don’t always need to point out every flaw, every mistake. It doesn’t make you more “real” to unload your thoughts without considering the timing, the tone, or the impact. Truth, when it’s delivered with a lack of compassion, can be more damaging than helpful.

And I know how tempting it is to think that you’re doing a service by calling someone out. But the question you need to ask yourself is: Why now? Why do I need to say this? If the goal is to lift someone up, then yes, speak your truth but if it’s just to prove you’re right or make someone uncomfortable, maybe take a step back.

I’ve had my fair share of those moments where I said too much, where I kept it too real. And after the fact, I’d sit with the weight of my words, wondering if I had actually helped, or just made things worse. There’s power in knowing when to speak and when to hold your peace.

So next time you feel that urge to drop the truth bomb, take a moment to think about what you’re really trying to accomplish. Is it really about helping the other person, or is it about showing them how “real” you are? Because the truth is real isn’t about tearing people down. It’s about building them up, even when it’s tough. Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can do is speak with care, compassion, and intention. It’s not about dropping the truth; it’s about how you share it.