We Were a Tribe Once

We Were a Tribe Once

by Kateb Nuri-Alim Shunnar

I remember a time not too far back when the block felt like family, not just a cluster of houses. Elders sat on porches, sharing wisdom with anyone willing to listen, and neighbors watched over each other’s kids like they were their own. Life wasn’t perfect, but there was unity, a sense of we that held everything together even when the world outside tried to tear us apart. But somewhere along the way, we let go of that. We traded community for competition, connection for isolation. Now, we live like islands, every man, woman, and child for themselves. The system that broke us with chains has chained our minds to the lie that individualism is freedom. But all it’s done is leave us scattered, distrustful, and disconnected from one another.

What happened to “each one, teach one”? What happened to “it takes a village”? We’ve embraced a culture that glorifies self over service, wealth over wisdom, and isolation over intimacy. And the damage isn’t just in our neighborhoods; it’s in our homes. The war between Black men and women is one of the most heartbreaking battles we’ve been pulled into. Instead of building together, we’re tearing each other apart. Black men call sisters broken, and sisters call brothers trash, while our children watch and inherit this division. We’ve allowed the system to plant distrust between us, and we’ve watered it with our pain and our pride.

But deep down, we know better. We are a family, a team. In truth, we are leaders. Together, we are greater than the sum of our parts, and no one is above the other. We were created in love, by love, for love, and that truth is still written in our DNA. The Creator didn’t design us to war against each other; the Creator designed us to lift one another, to reflect divine love in the way we treat each other, and to thrive together.

We have to stop making broken homes and communities. We can’t keep quitting on one another just because we can’t get the cheese we want in this rat race. Chasing after the world’s fleeting rewards is a trap that keeps us divided and defeated. The truth is, the system wasn’t built for us to win. It was designed to make us fight over scraps while forgetting the feast of love and unity that’s already within our reach. The more we compete in this race, the more we lose sight of what truly matters our connection, our strength, and our responsibility to one another.

Black men, too often, push one another to do wrong, masking it with the toxic mantra of “be a man.” But being a man isn’t about chasing women, stacking money, or flaunting power. It’s about standing firm in responsibility, protecting your family, lifting your brothers up, and showing love and respect. To be a man is to honor the divine purpose in yourself and those around you. Black men need to be good examples for the next generation. Our sons and nephews need to see how to treat a good woman, how to love her, and how to respect her. They need to witness tenderness and partnership so they don’t grow up thinking masculinity is about dominance or distance.

Our daughters need to experience love from their fathers pure, unconditional love that shows them their worth. And they need to see their fathers love and respect their mothers, so they understand what to expect from a man. When a father leads with love and integrity, he sets a standard for his children that the world cannot shake.

At the same time, Black women have to be examples, too. Our daughters need to see strength and softness working hand in hand, not as opposing forces. They need to see what self-respect and resilience look like, not as a reason to push others away but as a foundation for building together. And our sons need to see that a Black woman’s love is not a weakness but a source of strength. Sisters, we have to stop whispering, “Girl, you don’t need him,” every time a relationship faces struggles.

We’ve glorified the idea of being an “independent woman” to the point that we’ve shamed the beauty of partnership. Yes, you can do bad all by yourself, but you don’t have to. Independence is not the same as isolation. We were never meant to do life alone.

We need each other. Black men and women have to stop tearing one another down and start standing in each other’s corners. When a man falls hard or soft, seek assistance from the Creator to guide you. Pray, meditate, and invite the divine wisdom into your life to help lift you up again. When a woman falters, she needs to remember that the same Creator who gave her strength can restore her when she feels weak. We have to remember that prayer and meditation are not just practices; they are lifelines. They can help us center ourselves when life feels too heavy, reconnect us when we’ve lost our way, and heal us when we’ve been broken.

When a man or woman faces a fall, it doesn’t define them. It’s the rising that matters. And that rising is spiritual. It is grounded in love, patience, and trust in the Creator. No fall is too great when we know that the hand of the Creator is always there to catch us, to guide us, and to lift us back up.

We have to value one another, not as competitors but as partners. A Black man’s success is a Black woman’s success, and a Black woman’s strength is a Black man’s blessing.

In truth, we are a family, a team. Together, we are leaders, and no one is greater than the other. We are not at war with one another; we are each other’s greatest allies. The Creator didn’t give us different roles to divide us; these roles were meant to harmonize, to make us whole, to teach us love in action.

If we’re honest, we know the answers are already in us. The Creator has given us everything we need to heal. It starts with love real love. Not the kind you see on social media or hear in songs, but the love that’s rooted in respect, accountability, and partnership. Black men need to show up not just as providers but as protectors, nurturers, and leaders in their homes and communities. Sisters need to rebuild trust and let go of the competition we’ve been conditioned to feel toward one another.

And we need to have the hard conversations about trauma, about broken trust, about what we’ve been through and what we want to build. Healing isn’t weakness; it’s survival. We can’t fix the community until we fix the family. The home is the foundation of everything. The scripture says, “Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.” We need to invite the Creator back into our relationships, our homes, and our communities. We need to pray together, love together, and heal together.

The village needs to come alive again. Start small talk to your neighbors, check on the kids down the block, organize events that bring people together. The spaces that used to hold us churches, mosques, community centers need to become sanctuaries of healing and connection again. And we need to honor our elders. The Madeas and Grandpas are still here, but we’ve silenced them with our pride. They carry the wisdom we need to rebuild, but we have to be humble enough to listen. Sit at their feet. Learn their stories. Let them guide us back to what we’ve lost.

The war between Black men and women? It ends when we choose each other. When we stop blaming and start building. When we stop fighting each other and start fighting for each other. We were a tribe once, and we can be a tribe again. But it’s going to take humility, sacrifice, and a lot of unlearning.

We have to let go of the selfishness we’ve been taught and remember the beauty of unity. The Creator hasn’t given up on us, so we can’t give up on each other. We owe it to ourselves, to our ancestors, and to the generations yet to come. Let’s be the village, the family, the tribe we were meant to be. Let’s choose love over division, community over competition, and the Creator’s plan over the system’s lies.

The time to heal is now.

Author's Note:

This reflection is born from the depths of my soul, a cry for unity, healing, and love in our community. It’s a message to my people to us all, as Black men and women reminding us of our power, our history, and our shared journey. For too long, we've allowed ourselves to be divided, to be manipulated into seeing each other as rivals rather than allies. But we’ve got to remember, we were never meant to fight one another. We were meant to build, to love, to grow together.

The world has tried to label us, hurt us, and place us in boxes, but we are far more than the pain we’ve endured. We are the womb of creation, the protectors, the warriors, the dreamers. And we must start honoring one another in our entirety beyond the labels, beyond the hurt, beyond the toxic rhetoric that’s been instilled in us. When Black men and women start standing together, loving one another, and healing together, the world won’t know what hit it. That’s how powerful we are.

This isn’t just a reflection for the sake of writing it’s a call to action. We must stop tearing each other down with hurtful words, with division. Women, stop calling yourselves names that don’t serve you. Black men, stop belittling the women who are your equals. Verbal abuse, from either side, must end. We’ve been wounded, but we can’t allow that hurt to perpetuate itself. We have the ability to rise above it, to be the village again. We owe it to ourselves, to our ancestors, and to the generations that come after us.

This message is both spiritual and urban, deeply rooted in the truth of who we are. It’s time to heal, to forgive, and to rebuild. The Creator’s plan for us is love, unity, and strength. And it’s time to walk in that truth together.

With love, integrity, and unity, let's rise. Let's become the tribe we were always meant to be.

Kateb Nuri-Alim Shunnar

I’m but a drop in the vast ocean. My wisdom is but a speck, smaller than a grain of sand, and my faith is still growing, no bigger than a mustard seed. I don’t claim to have all the answers, but I’m quick to acknowledge when I’m wrong.

I’ve learned that humility is key, and that’s all I offer humility and the willingness to learn, to grow, and to accept my flaws. Life is a constant journey, and I’m here for the ride, no matter how small I might seem in the grand scheme of things.

Kateb Nuri-Alim Shunnar

Thanks for your support 🙏