The Sacred Shoulders of a Man

The Sacred Shoulders of a Man

By Kateb Nuri-Alim Shunnar

There are truths about love that can’t be taught in schools, shouted from pulpits, or bought in books. They come softly, through lived experience. Through silence. Through moments when life humbles you. They also come through the voices of our elders the ones who lived before us, walked through storms with grace, and wore wisdom like a second skin. For me, many of those sacred truths came through the voice of my grandmother, Celestine.

She had a way of saying things that made time stand still. Her words could heal or correct without ever raising her voice. I remember sitting at her feet while she shelled peas or stirred pots, and I, the youngest of all the grandchildren, soaked in her presence like parched earth drinks in the rain. And over the years, she sowed in me seeds of manhood not the kind defined by muscles or money, but the kind rooted in honor, humility, and spiritual responsibility.

“Baby,” she would say, “a real man don’t just show up when it’s easy. He stays when it’s hard. He ain’t loud, but you feel his presence like a steady breeze.” And now, years later, those words echo every time I feel tempted to love halfway. Every time I see the world’s version of manhood pulling men away from the sacred role they were born to fulfill.

Being a man in a relationship isn’t about ruling. It’s about reverencing. It’s not about providing every luxury. It’s about providing safety, stillness, and strength. The shoulders of a man should be a sacred resting place, not a burden or a battlefield.

Some women say, “I need a man to lead me and guide me,” but that too has been twisted by culture. Real leadership in love doesn’t mean dictatorship. It means guidance through example. It means standing firm when the winds blow and bending low when your partner needs comfort. It’s not walking ahead of her like she’s behind it’s walking beside her like you’re building something sacred together.

My grandmother taught me that. She’d say, “A man who knows where his strength come from don’t need to control nobody. He ain’t moved by ego he’s moved by purpose.” And she would remind me often, “You better make sure your heart is clean before you hold somebody else's in your hands.”

And let me be honest too many people now treat relationships like transactions. Some women have been taught that a man is supposed to be an ATM. To give them everything they ask for. And some men, trying to prove their worth through money, exhaust themselves chasing a validation that can never be bought.

But a relationship is more than money. And if money determines your connection, then you don’t have a relationship you have a contract. I’ve heard women say, “Love don’t pay the bills,” and I get it life costs. But that statement, if left unchecked, becomes poison. It reduces love to currency. It turns companionship into commerce. If you are in that mindset, you must pause and readjust your perception.

Because real love true love does something that money never can. It nourishes the soul. It anchors you during storms. It cannot be drowned. It cannot be broken by situations or shattered by circumstances. When love is rooted in the Creator’s will, it becomes a force stronger than fear and deeper than need. It shows up when there’s no money. It holds firm when the walls are closing in. It whispers peace when the world is loud.

Celestine used to tell me, “Love don’t leave when the pockets get empty. Love don’t quit when life gets ugly. If it’s real, it stays, it prays, and it works.” That kind of love spiritual love is rare, but it’s what we were created for.

If a woman truly loves a man with all her heart unconditionally she will stand by his side no matter the weather, no matter the time. Her love won’t come with punishment or ultimatums. She won’t offer him cold shoulders when he’s cold inside. Instead, she becomes his warmth. She lifts him up. She prays over him when he forgets how to pray for himself. She weathers the storm, no matter how bad the winds are. Because when love is real, it doesn’t run it roots. It doesn’t judge it joins. It doesn’t waver it wraps itself around the soul of the one it loves and says, “I’m here. Still.”

So what is the role of a man in this sacred dance?

A man is called to be more than a provider he must be a protector of peace. He’s called to be a spiritual guardian, a soul supporter, a place where a woman can exhale and not explain. He is not just to give he is to give intentionally. His words should carry healing. His silence should hold space. His presence should be a balm to the weary and a shelter for the sacred.

And no, this doesn't mean a man shouldn't work or contribute. But if all he brings is a paycheck and not purpose, then something divine is missing. The true offering of a man is not in his wallet it’s in his wisdom, his watchfulness, his willingness to love without condition.

I learned from my grandmother that the way a man carries himself in private is even more important than how he moves in public. “The world don’t see everything,” she said, “but the Creator does. So love like someone’s watching and that someone is sacred.”

I’ll never forget the day she told me, “Baby, don’t you ever measure your manhood by your paycheck. Measure it by your peace. By how much you lift, not just with your hands, but with your spirit.” And Lord, she was right. Because I’ve had money and still felt empty. I’ve had success and still felt alone. But when I loved deeply selflessly I felt whole. Complete. In harmony with something far greater than myself.

A man’s role in a relationship is to serve not with pride, but with joy. To uplift not for recognition, but because love requires it. To listen not to fix, but to understand. To lead not by control, but by consistency.

And when a man gets this, when he embodies this, everything changes. The atmosphere shifts. The relationship breathes. The woman relaxes. The house becomes a sanctuary.

To the men reading this: Know that you are more than enough when you bring your soul to the table. Your presence matters more than your possessions. Your patience will outlast your pride. And your spiritual grounding is what will keep your relationship rooted when life tries to pull it apart.

And to the women: Don’t seek a man to carry your weight alone. Seek a man who will carry it with you. Who sees you, hears you, cherishes your growth. A man who honors your body, yes, but also your brilliance, your softness, your sacredness.

Love is not about perfection it’s about presence. It’s about showing up daily with a heart wide open, ready to water what was planted, ready to tend what’s been bruised, and ready to grow what the Creator placed between you.

As my grandmother Celestine said, “If love ain’t strong enough to survive the drought, then it wasn’t real water to begin with.” And in this life, we need living water. Love that flows from source. Love that’s sacred, solid, and seen by heaven.

A man’s shoulders are sacred not because they’re broad, but because they were made to carry legacy. And when he loves with intention, with truth, with spirit he doesn’t just become a good partner.

He becomes a home.

Kateb Nuri-Alim Shunnar