The Real Ones: Sorting True Friends from Tagalongs

The Real Ones: Sorting True Friends from Tagalongs

By Kateb Nuri-Alim Shunnar

Here I am, parked at my desk with a mug of tea that feels less like a drink and more like a comforting hug for the soul, when it finally hits me something I probably should’ve grasped a long time ago. Life isn’t measured by how many people you’ve collected along the way or the years you’ve clocked knowing someone. Forget those sentimental yearbook scribbles about “friends forever.” What truly matters is this: who sees you when you feel invisible? Who listens to the words you can barely string together? And who holds your worth in their hands when you’ve let it slip through your own fingers?

Here’s the truth finding those people? It’s as rare as snagging a decent parking spot downtown during a festival. We throw the word “friend” around like it’s candy, but not everyone who shares a laugh or a selfie with you is in your corner. Some folks are just along for the ride, and it’s up to you to figure out who’s truly there for you and who’s just filling space.

The real ones? I call them anchors. These people are solid, unshakable, and always present, whether you’re standing on a mountaintop screaming, “I made it!” or lying face down in the mud whispering, “I don’t know if I can keep going.” They don’t care if your crown’s crooked or if you’ve just trudged through a swamp. Anchors don’t flinch at your mess they meet you there with nothing but love, humor, and maybe even snacks. They’re the kind of people who remind you that it’s okay to be human, imperfect, and struggling because, to them, you’re still enough.

But let’s not get it twisted: not everyone is an anchor. Some are just tagalongs. They’re around because your life happens to align with theirs in a way that benefits them. Maybe you’re chasing the same goals, grinding side by side, and for a while, it feels like they’re part of your crew. But the minute a shinier, easier, or more convenient opportunity shows up, they’re gone. And there you are, left wondering where it all went wrong. Here’s the kicker it didn’t go wrong. Tagalongs were never about you. They were about the situation, the vibe, or the moment. Appreciate the time they were in your life, but don’t confuse their presence for permanence.

Then, we have the spotters. These folks aren’t for you they’re just against the same thing you’re against. You’re temporarily bonded by a shared mission or mutual opposition. Think of it like teaming up with a stranger to catch a runaway shopping cart before it slams into your car. In that moment, you’re allies, but once the problem’s solved, they vanish. Spotters are great for what they are, but don’t mistake them for lifelong friends. They’re there for a purpose, not for the long haul.

Here’s the hard truth: you can’t expect tagalongs or spotters to act like anchors. You’ll only end up disappointed and exhausted. Save your energy for the ones who show up not for what you can do, but for who you are. Those people? They’re your lifelines.

I had to learn this lesson the hard way. There was a point in my life where everything fell apart. I was at my lowest, sitting in my living room surrounded by nothing but doubt and despair. I felt like I was shouting into a void no one could hear. But then, one of my anchors reached out. No dramatic speeches, no playing savior just a simple, “What’s the plan?” That’s it. They didn’t need to fix me or the situation; they just wanted to be there with me, whatever “there” looked like. And in that moment, I realized that real support isn’t flashy it’s steady, reliable, and deeply reassuring.

Not everyone in your life is meant to stay, and that’s okay. The beauty of life is in learning to recognize who’s who. Some people will drift in and out, and some will plant themselves firmly in your corner. The ones who stay the ones who show up when the world feels like it’s falling apart they’re the ones worth holding on to. And when you find those people, don’t just count them. Celebrate them. Because they’re the ones who make this wild, messy, beautiful life worth living.