Overcoming the Darkness of Verbal Abuse: A Reflection
By Kateb Nuri-Alim Shunnar
Words carry profound power. They can uplift, mend, and inspire, or they can tear down, wound, and dim our spirits. Verbal abuse is a darkness that can creep into our minds, each hurtful word feeding it, until it clouds our hearts and distorts the way we see ourselves. Those who endure it know how deep the wounds can go often invisible but deeply felt. While verbal abuse is frequently linked with women, men too face its sharp edge. Words can cut into their self-worth, challenge their character, and shake their very sense of self. Society expects men to be “tough,” unyielding, seemingly immune to words. Yet, this assumption only adds to the silence that so often surrounds their pain.
For many men, the marks of verbal abuse linger, cloaked in silence and hidden behind walls of restraint. From a young age, many are taught that vulnerability is weakness, that expressing emotional hurt is somehow a failure, or worse, a sign that they aren’t “real” men. This conditioning traps their pain, keeping it locked inside and intensifying the damage. When words cut into them comments like “You’re not a man,” “You can’t provide,” or “You’re no leader” they're urged to toughen up, to stay composed even as they feel their spirit breaking. Society has long tied masculinity to being a provider, a protector, a guide. So when someone close questions their capacity in these areas, it doesn’t just hurt; it strikes at their core, leaving them feeling small, diminished, and somehow unworthy.
On the surface, a man may appear unaffected strong and unfazed by these words. But beneath the calm exterior, each insult, each put-down carves away at his confidence, sparking a quiet storm of self-doubt, anger, and lingering sorrow. When men are deprived of the freedom to express these feelings, the hurt can fester, building until they feel emotionally numb, cut off even from their own inner life. For some, this silence becomes a breeding ground for destructive habits anger, isolation, or a cold exterior that pushes others away. It’s not that men don’t feel; rather, they’ve been told for so long that they aren’t allowed to feel.
Men often carry these wounds alone, assuming no one would understand or worse, that no one would believe that words could truly hurt them. In a culture that expects them to be unbreakable, the pressure to stifle their pain only worsens their suffering. This mask of strength isolates them from the healing they may desperately need. Even when the pain becomes too much to bear, the shame of admitting it can prevent them from reaching out. Alone with their burden, they feel as if they must shoulder it in silence, invisible and unacknowledged.
No one, however, should have to carry this weight alone. Just as women are encouraged to seek support, men too deserve spaces where they can be open about the pain they endure, where they can be heard without fear of judgment. The path of spirituality offers this sanctuary a space where men can finally put down the burden of stoicism and allow themselves to be vulnerable before a compassionate, accepting presence. When they turn to the Creator, they are reminded that their pain is real, that it matters, and that it is fully understood by a presence far beyond human judgment.
Here, spirituality offers a path to healing not as an escape but as a genuine refuge. In the divine presence, men can let down their defenses and bring forth their pain. The Creator, with boundless compassion, sees our deepest wounds, understands our silent struggles, and holds us in love. Like all who suffer, men can come before this profound love with their brokenness, doubts, and isolation. And there, they are gently reminded that they are not defined by others’ hurtful words but by the intrinsic worth and light they carry within.
In this divine presence, there is no judgment, only acceptance and healing. The Creator’s love is like a balm, soothing the heart and affirming that we are so much more than the cruel words spoken over us. For men, this understanding can be transformative. The weight of hiding, of pretending to be invulnerable, begins to lift, replaced by a gentle truth: vulnerability is not weakness but courage. When held by the Creator’s love, men can finally release the pain they’ve carried, letting it dissolve in light, understanding, and mercy.
Overcoming the darkness of verbal abuse means reclaiming the light within a light that no cruel word can extinguish. It’s about finding strength in the Creator’s love, which speaks to our true worth, and moving forward with a heart that is healed, whole, and unshaken by the world’s cruelty. For men, as for anyone who has faced abuse, healing is a journey. It takes courage to look beyond the hurt, to see oneself through the loving eyes of the Creator. And in that journey, men can finally let go of the masks they’ve been told to wear, rediscovering the freedom to feel, to heal, and to be genuinely, powerfully, and compassionately seen.
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