
Invisible Wounds: A Tale of Abuse and Healing
By Kateb Nuri-Alim Shunnar
When you think of abuse, what comes to mind? Maybe you picture something loud and obvious shouting, raised hands, bruises that eventually fade. But there's another kind of abuse, just as harmful, yet far less visible: emotional abuse. It doesn’t leave physical scars, but it cuts deep, believe me. And because it’s harder to see, people tend to brush it off as no big deal. But it is. It’s a big deal.
Emotional abuse doesn’t make an entrance with a bang. It’s insidious. There are no punches, no screams it eats away at you, quietly, day by day. It’s the little things. The constant nitpicking, the silent treatment that leaves you feeling invisible, the "jokes" that dig just a little too deep. At first, they don’t seem like much. But over time, those little things build up. They start to chip away at your sense of self. Those hurtful words take root in your mind, and before long, you believe them. And before you know it, you start to think you deserve it.
Emotional abuse can happen in any relationship. Sure, we hear a lot about husbands belittling wives, but let’s be real wives, girlfriends, and even parents can do it too. And it’s not just intimate partners. This kind of pain can come from siblings, friends, coworkers anyone. No one is exempt.
The worst part? Emotional abuse makes you question yourself. You start to wonder, “Am I overreacting? Is this my fault?” And those questions don’t just appear on their own. Someone planted them there someone who was supposed to love and protect you.
Now, let’s talk about what emotional abuse does to your soul. It’s not just words that penetrate your mind; it gets under your skin. And eventually, you start asking, “Who am I, really?” You hear things like, “You’re not good enough,” and “You’re too much,” and “No one will ever love you.” Those words are poison. They linger long after they’ve been said, drowning out the voice that tells you, “You are enough. You are loved.”
But here’s the one thing abuse can’t steal from you: your truth. God didn’t mess up when He created you. No matter how much someone tries to tear you down, no matter how much they try to break you, that little spark of divinity inside you? It’s still there. Words, no matter how cruel, can’t take that away.
I’ve been there drowning in someone’s harsh words, feeling like every insult was carved into my skin. I couldn’t shake it off. But one night, in the middle of a silent, desperate prayer, I felt something. A warmth, like the Creator wrapping me in truth, whispering, “I define you, not what they say. You are loved.” That moment didn’t take away the pain, but it helped me see myself through His eyes, not theirs.
Healing isn’t easy. It takes time, and a willingness to lean into the hurt instead of running from it. Patience is key. For me, my anchors were prayer and meditation. In those moments of stillness, shedding the weight of it all, searching for something beyond myself that’s what saved me. Those were the moments when I didn’t just feel the Creator’s love; I tasted it. It was real. It was physical. And it was enough to keep me afloat.
But there’s the human side of healing too. You can’t do it alone. You need your people the ones who truly know you, the ones who can see your worth even when you can’t. Maybe it’s a friend, a mentor, or a stranger who says the right thing at just the right moment. Never underestimate the power of connection.
And then, there’s forgiveness. I know, that’s the tough one. But it doesn’t mean minimizing what was done to you or pretending it didn’t hurt. For some, forgiveness doesn’t mean reconciliation, and it definitely doesn’t mean forgetting. It means the pain loses its hold on you. It’s like saying, “I’m not carrying this anymore.” It’s messy, but it’s necessary.
Even if you didn’t realize you were on the receiving end of emotional abuse, it’s never too late to change. Acknowledge the hurt, take ownership, and strive to do better. None of us are perfect, but we can all do better at being kinder, more thoughtful, and more aware of how our words and actions affect others.
One piece of wisdom my grandmother passed down to me has stuck with me all these years: “You can’t heal darkness with more darkness. Bring in the light.” That light whether it’s faith, love, or simple kindness makes all the difference. To me, that light is the love of the Creator. It’s the love that fills the cracks created by abuse, healing what was once broken. And let me tell you, those scars don’t make me weaker. They remind me that I’m human, and that’s okay.
If you’re out there carrying the weight of someone else’s cruel words or actions, hear me when I say: You are not what they said you were. You are so much more than that. You are worthy. You are loved. Healing doesn’t mean erasing the past; it means reclaiming the true you, the you that’s always been underneath the pain.
As for the rest of us, let’s do better. Let’s be more mindful of those around us. It’s time to stop brushing off emotional pain as “sensitivity” or “drama.” Let’s really listen. Let’s be there for each other because, in the end, we’re all in this together. Kindness has more impact than we often realize.
Author’s Note
Emotional scars may not be as visible as physical ones, but they are just as real. Healing is a process it takes time, and it’s different for everyone. Whether you’ve been the victim of abuse or you’ve wronged someone else, there’s always grace. The best times in life are when we make room for growth.
Let’s give ourselves and each other the grace to heal.
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